I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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