idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
