i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
