I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
