I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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