He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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