Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
