are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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