i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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