he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize