so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
