Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
