So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
