I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
