our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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