i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
