even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
