No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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