I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
