I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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