can u get pink eye on your cock?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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