Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
