I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
