So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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