Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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