We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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