Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
