I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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