Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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