Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
