im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
