Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
