she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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