i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
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