john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
