Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
