the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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