my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
