You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize