I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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