I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
