Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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