Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
