i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She needs sedatives and a leash
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
