I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
