Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
