dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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