mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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