I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
