Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
