Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
