Heybabeimwearingurpanties
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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