My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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