so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
