I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
