whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
