ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
it's like iHOP with fire
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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