I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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