And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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