I want to walk on stilts...naked
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
