addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
