Banned from zoo.
Again?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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