you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
