I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm going to jail i love you
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
