party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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