Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
