she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
