I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
