basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
