I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You pole danced in your parka.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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